The Anonymous Losing Boy Wrestler

Kailey Rees: So this is one of my favorite pictures because right before we started wrestling he came up and asked me if he was wrestling me. After I said yes he was talking with his mom and some kids and was saying girls shouldn't wrestle they will get hurt. His mom said well she's playing a boys sport and something about go out there and show her its a boys sport. I really wasn't squeezing that hard and he was making all kinds of noises. I pinned him and got first at that tournament.
(This is not the boy in the story)

There are two sides to every story and I always try to interview the boy. Rarely am I successful. Most of the time I ask the girl what the boy was thinking during the match, and I always find it fascinating. So when a boy from the group Wrestlers Only contacted me and asked if I would write a story about why he doesn't think girls should wrestle boys, I was intrigued.

But this blog is not about me...its about the girl wrestlers. So I let them decide. While the parents and coaches didn't want me to write this blog, the girls did. So here it is.

This is his story. '

The Anonymous Losing Boy Wrestler

To me this is the most iconic girl wrestling photo ever. (This is not the boy)

The boy looked in the mirror and described himself for me. He said, "I'm white, good looking, an average athlete, not bad not great. I'm never the worst player on any team but I'm not the best. I've had a few girlfriends and a lot of friends." I asked him if he thinks people would consider him close minded and he said, "I have gay friends and black friends so I really don't think so. I also believe women should make the same as men when we group up if they do the same work. I would tell you if I felt differently."

These are his words. They have been edited but he's agreed they are fair.

"Look. Its not that I don't think girls should wrestle. Of course they should. But they should do whatever it takes to get enough girls to wrestle so they wrestle each other. I'm not one of those guys that think girls belong in the kitchen and "make me a sandwich." Honestly, I hate those kind of deushes. Like you're not funny. But this is different. I'm not trying to keep down girls here. I'm trying to keep it fair.

I wrestled two girls and both times it made me want to quit the sport. I didn't want to wrestle them beforehand, and I hated dealing with it after. You should know, I'm an asshole when it comes to wrestling. I'm not great, not bad but I 100% believe in psyching out your opponent. This happened to me my first year and I swore I'd never let someone intimidate me again. And then I realized, why not do it to my opponent. So I always look for a weakness. I don't apologize for that at all. "

I then asked him to describe the matches.

First match vs. a girl from a prior season.

"I'm not gonna lie, this girl is hot AF. I couldn't believe she was a wrestler. I honestly think she could be a model one day. She's the hottest girl I ever saw in my life. I see her warming up and my only thought is, "please not me. I don't want to wrestle this girl."

I know that may seem weird since I'm a guy and she's hot AF but while it would be fun to roll around with her outside of the mats, the last thing I want to do is wrestle her in front of everyone. Its a no win situation for me. I'm not worried about losing to her, but when I win no one will even care. I live for the high fives and celebrations we do after we win. Here I'm going to get shit no matter how quickly I beat her. To make matters worse my new girlfriend is there. She's trash talking me. We are very playful. She said, "If you lose to her, you lose me also." I laughed because there was no way I was going to lose.

I see her warming up in a common area so I go over. I start warming up hardcore. Squats, pushups, situps. I want her to notice me. I start talking loud to my teammates. I say some stupid shit. Like stuff I'm embarrassed about, not just because I lost, but because I'm not that guy. I just wanted to get in her head. (I asked him several times what he said but he didn't want to say. Finally he relented when I reminded him that the only way this story works is total truth and he admitted to saying, "should I pin her in 40 seconds or tech her and have fun?") As soon as I said it loud enough for her to hear I regretted it. While I don't want her to wrestle boys, I don't want to be that guy that makes her hate the sport. I also do respect girls and what I said was not respectful. I should have found a different way to intimidate her. Had I won, I would have apologized.

Anyways we get to the mat and I can see she's angry with what I said. I actually feel so weird right now. I'm nervous that I have to wrestle a girl, I feel guilty for what I said and I'm worried my girlfriend will get mad because she's so hot. Like its stupid I know but these were my thoughts.

So we start and I'm like WTF?!? I wasn't stronger than her. Like I thought I'd just throw her down and pin her. But she was just as strong as most of the guys I wrestle. And she was better than them. She took me down and I couldn't move. Like WTF is happening right now? And here's the crazy thing. When you are wrestling your eyes take you where they take you. You pay them no mind. But when you're losing to a girl, its totally different. You can't look at your team. You can't look in the stands. You can't look at her. I was just looking either at the floor or the ceiling so I wouldn't make eye contact. And this sounds like an excuse but its not. That had a terrible effect on the match. So you don't think its an excuse, I probably would have lost anyways, but the point is I didn't try to get out, I tried to hide my embarrassment.

I just remember flailing my legs and trying to move my chest up but ugh. She used her strength to keep me down. Like she had leverage but it wasn't hard for her. The ref called the pin and I was distraught. Luckily there were multiple teams there and I was able to hide. And by hide I mean literally hide. I was a ghost. I was distraught. My girlfriend found me and tried to make me feel better but it just made it worse. The girl who beat me was beaming the rest of the day. She was joking, laughing and it just sucked. I knew by her beating me it made her day which made me more upset. I found out her name, and my match can be found on social media. (He showed me it) I later found out the match lasted for a very short time. I know how many seconds, I'm not gonna say. Everything sucked for a few days.

Eventually you get over it but people teased me for a long time. My girlfriend teased me for a long time. We broke up a few months later and she even referenced what a dick I was that day after I lost. I never really thought about quitting, but I really wanted to.

Match #2- This season:

This was terrible. I saw I was wrestling a girl and I couldn't believe how unlucky I am. We had a girl tryout and thank God she quit. Now I have to deal with this again? I told my coach I was feeling sick and he literally smacked me in the back of the head and said, "Here's your chance for redemption. Don't be a pussy. Being a coward is far worse than losing. Treat her with respect this time." It wasn't the same girl but his point was made. I was out for blood. Literally, I didn't care if I drew blood, I just needed a win. And it needed to be easy. I couldn't be the guy who lost to two different girls. I squeezed her hand like my life depended on it and the match was underway. This girl was mad strong too. Like WTF?!?!? If it was against a guy it would have been such a fun match in a way. We were just going at it like I never went at it before. It was almost just a battle of strength. We were grunting and God I'm so dumb. So fucking dumb. While I was trying to prove I'm stronger, I didn't realize she was trying to wrestle. So she let go of me, shot and put me on my back. She rode me around and got more points. The score was 5 or 6 nothing at the end of the first. I was so gassed. And this is my second excuse. Had this been a boy, I wouldn't have tried to beat him on brute strength. Me and the girl were probably even in strength. If it was a boy, I would have realized to stop and to wrestle. Like she did. But because she is a girl, I decided I needed to prove to her my strength.

Excuse #2. I was so gassed because I was so embarrassed. Being embarrassed is very tiring. Your mind and body aren't in synch. During a match I just go. I never think of anything else. But here I'm thinking of a million things. What girls are watching, will my life be over again, what is the girl thinking? If this was a boy I would have thought, "Eh he caught me in Round 1. I'll do the same in Round 2."

But because its a girl and it was the second time, I was panicking. I started up the second round because I knew if she got me down I couldn't escape. But she reversed it quickly. I don't remember much else, I just remember hearing the crowd go nuts as she pinned me. My handshake went from being like a bear to not looking at her and not wanting to touch her hand. She squeezed which sucked because I wasn't even looking. I think that was a message but I don't know. I didn't ask.

So now...now I'm the guy who lost to two girls. The season is actually going ok but I know I wrestle one of those two girls again. I'm not saying which. I will 100% be sick the day before, and the day of the match. I have it all planned out. As much as I want to beat them, I can't lose to them again.

And that's why girls shouldn't wrestle boys. Because now I have to miss out? Let them have their own teams. Let them have their own league? If they can't get the #'s, then its their fault, not mine.

And its not fair my gameplan has to change with them. Sure it shouldn't and sure I should just be smart and treat them like wrestlers. But they are girl wrestlers. They are not just wrestlers. Cue the girls saying they are. I don't give a shit. Because are they going to go to my team, my girlfriend, the girls that watched and stop them from making fun of me? No, they won't. So I have to deal with the consequences. And trust me, there are many.

But I do I want it known I don't hate them. I mean I really dislike the first girl that beat me for blasting it on social media. She's kinda a bitch. But in general I don't hate girl wrestlers. I just think they should stick to wrestling other girls. And I want to clear something up now that I re-read what I wrote. I'm not making excuses for the matches I lost. They are part of the reasons why I lost. A better wrestler wouldn't care about the stigma and would have focused on getting out of the pin. But I'm a mediocre wrestler. As are a lot of boys that girls beat. Which is why I don't feel they should wrestle boys.

 I hope this story gets more girls to wrestle so we never have to wrestle them again.

The aftermath:

I followed up his story with some questions.
Me:  Do you feel you are being sexist and unsympathetic?

Him: I mean sure, I guess. Not believing in 100% equality would be sexist. But I feel you and the girls are being unsympathetic to me and my plight.

Me: Do you respect women and their strength more? Both girls you lost to are good wrestlers. I'm Facebook friends with them and they win more than they lose.

Him: I hate to admit it but yes. I don't assume I'm stronger than every girl just because I'm a guy. I actually would never challenge another girl because I can't stand losing to them. And now when I see athletic girls I always wonder can I do what they can?

Me: You said some pictures upset you. Why?

Him: You know why. The pictures that get the most likes seem to be the ones with a boy in it looking upset. One of the girls even said they loved it because of how defeated he looked. You may not want to believe this but the girl wrestlers are cocky bitches when they win. They are. They will say they're not, but they are. If those two girls found out how upset I was, they would be THRILLED. This is exactly why we need to end this. Its not fair to the boys.  

Samantha's Take:

I'm taking a lot of flak for giving this boy a voice. I honestly don't understand why. I certainly don't agree with his opinion, but I don't see any harm letting him share it. I don't think one girl is going to quit over his story. But this is a girls wrestling blog and I asked girls to send me their favorite picture so I can include it in the story. Because the end of the day, lets celebrate that we belong, no matter what others think! 

I like this picture because you can see the referees surprise in the moment just before he slaps the mat. Also, you can see the guys struggle, elbowing my face, flailing his legs, etc.

Savvy: I really like this photo because it shows were are not a boy and a girl wrestling, but just two wrestlers going at it. Off the mat we are best friends, but on the mat, we are both wrestlers. 

Makayla Morris: I love this picture because within two years of wrestling I was able to win girls state, place top three at national tournaments and get recruited to wrestle at Wentworth Military Academy. No matter how far you think you have to go, it's never as far as you have come.

Kylah Holka: I like this picture because when this kid saw he had to wrestle me, he was saying to his friend, "This is gonna be an easy win,its a girl." He was saying exact moves he was going to do right in front of me. He kept coming near me and laughing so when I got onto the mat I shook his hand and knew even if I do lose I'm not gonna let him think it was "easy." We started wrestling and I pinned him. When we got up he didn't even shake my hand. He ripped his singlet down and ran off the mat crying. His coach said to him "You're never gonna underestimate a girl again now are you?" Later, he came over and apologized and said I was a lot better than he thought and he congratulated me. I was very happy to earn his respect

This match took me almost the whole time to win. I was almost beaten but when it came down to it I pulled a reverse. I wasn't sure I could complete and won by pin. It was my 1st year. The girl had pinned me two tournaments prior, so I was out for that win.

My name is Markiya. This is my 4th year wrestling. I'm not the best but I don't give up. I was the 1st to start wrestling in my family! I am 8 yrs old.

Angel Ogden: I like this picture because even though the sport is mainly for guys, girls are stepping onto the mat everyday to train and prove their worth. Girls can dominate just as much as the guys can. And since the guys have a chance too, it should be equally right for the girls. 😌 Wrestling boys causes girls to become mentally and psychically tougher. I wrestle boys all season long and this was the result of wrestling a girl my actual weight for the first time after season.

That Unexpected Lift

In most sports, victory is the goal. Football, hockey, baseball, basketball, it really doesn't matter how you win, as long as you do. But in wrestling, there's a big difference between winning via points, and pinning your opponent to the mat.  

For girls in upper weight classes, wins can be few and far away. So when you have an opportunity to get your hand raised, you need to dig as deep as you can, because wrestling glory doesn't come easy. And when you can finish your opponent, you don't want to give that opportunity back.

Christen Wise is a senior 120-pound wrestler at Avoca Central High School. In her four years, she's earned the respect from her teammates. Christen comes to practice every day, and works her tail off. She's survived where others haven't. She says, "It's just you see so many kids at least at my school that come out and join the wrestling team but then they just quit because they think it's to hard and make excuses."

Truth be told, Christen is not going to win a gold medal at the 2020 Olympics. In her four years of wrestling, she's racked up more losses than wins, and that can get frustrating at times. Christen turned 18 on December 27 and the next day, she gave herself the best present she could, the hardest earned victory of her life.

She says, "With only five hours of sleep and a piece of my birthday cake for dinner I was worried with how well I would wrestle at the Genesee Valley Duals. I have gotten used to going to tournaments and losing every match I wrestle which is why I was worried it'd be just another one of those days." But despite the fear, Christen made it this far because she doesn't quit, and she doesn't make excuses. " I don't let that worry keep me from trying my hardest."

Christen squared up against a boy from Dansville High School. As usual, he was much taller. This happens often when you're only 5 feet "tall." The 120-pound wrestlers walked to the center of the ring and shook hands. Christen immediately noticed weakness, but didn't get cocky. "When I shook his hand before the match it didn't seem like a firm handshake, but sometimes that doesn't mean anything. I have wrestled kids with awful handshakes that were great wrestlers." But her opponent not only had a weak handshake, he didn't look intimidating. "He looked like he wasn't sure what to expect with me being a girl. I'm not sure how he felt but I just feel like he didn't seem confident."

The match started and immediately Christen realized just because he's a boy, doesn't make him stronger. " It started with hand fighting which is when I realized I might actually be a bit stronger than him. He couldn't break my grip like other stronger guys have." Christen went for a single leg takedown but sadly, it isn't one of her better moves. "I'm not very good at shooting, so I ended up stuck underneath him holding on to that leg." While younger, more inexperienced wrestlers might be stuck in a bad position, Christen's years of hard work at practice, started paying off. "I did what our coaches have taught us. I circled and got my elbow on the mat behind his leg. Then I stepped over his leg with one of my legs and I circled out and I got on top of him which got me my two points." The match was in its infancy and the score was only 2-0, but Christen realized a win was within her grasp. "This is when I thought holy crap I could actually have a shot at winning a match today."

Despite being only up by two, her coach told her to let the boy go and give up a point. "After I got the takedown he quickly came to his feet and my coach told me to let him go after I had fought to keep him down." Going into the 2nd round, the score was 2-1.

The second period started and Christen started down and attempted to get her point back. "I started down and bolted to my feet. It took me a little bit to break his grip, so it felt kind of funny when we were scrambling all over the mat on our feet because he was trying to hold on to me. I didn't let him take me back down to the mat though and once I escaped I shot for that same single leg again." It was now 3-1 and Christen found herself in a similar position."The same thing happen again and I got behind him which gave me another two points." At 5-1, Christen swore this match wasn't going escape her. "OK, let's go you have to actually win this match now." 

She now was going to go for the kill. "Once I got behind him I started to break him down. I chopped his arm and got it into a bar but it wasn't working well, so I switched to a cross face." The boy from Danville nose started to bleed and the ref called a time out. Christen drew first blood, which sounds so awesome and kick ass. But when his blood is on your body, its more eww than awesome. "His blood was on my arm which is pretty gross."

Her coach would have no time for sympathy. As he was wiping off the blood he told her, "You haven't worked this hard for nothing, lets get the pin".

The motivational speech paid off immediately. "I wasn't thinking I would be able to pin this kid but my coach's words gave me even more motivation." They got back on the mat and there would be more points for Christen, and more pain for her opponent. "I did a neck tie in the end of the 2nd period and I cross faced him again. He  kind of let out a grunt." Christen, started to feel the momentum swing her way. "I'm not going to lie it made me feel tough because I feel like he was getting irritated that he was getting his butt beat by a girl."

There is a difference between winning and kicking someone's butt. I asked Christen if she misspoke but she doubled down.  "Yes I was kind of happy by this because it wasn't just that I was winning. I was kicking his butt because he was trying to fight back but I just kept beating him. When I only let him get 1 point for an escape it definitely felt like I was kicking some butt. I was happy because it made me tough to be beating up a guy and know he was getting irritated that he was getting his butt beat by a girl."

But even though she was kicking his butt, his shoulder blades were the important body part. And his was never held down long enough for the pin.

As hard as she tried, she couldn't seal the deal. " I did run this neck tie from the side I wasn't used to though so it wasn't as good. I was hoping I would pin him there but he got out of it. But I didn't let him get on top." As the end of the 2nd period, Christen held a commanding 9-1 lead. "Going into the 3rd there was no way I was going to let him turn this match around on me. I was winning this match with a pin or not. I was going to make sure of that. I was getting a little irritated that I hadn't pinned him yet, but there was no way I was going to let myself lose that match."

While she was initially irritated she didn't pin him in the 2nd round, Christen is thrilled she didn't now. The boy started down and quickly came to his feet. And that's when the highlight of Christen's career happened.  "I actually managed to pick him up and mat return him.

He fell right to his stomach too, not to his base." This was an amazing feeling for the senior...one that she remembers frame by frame in her mind. "When I lifted him up I was so amazed!  I was thinking holy crap did I actually just manage to pick someone up?  It felt so bad ass and I was wondering if my team and coaches were surprised. And then I heard them cheering and I knew they were."

After literally picking him up and throwing him down, Christen had one focus. "For the rest of the match my main thought was I need to get the pin." It would not come easy. "I got him back down I tried getting a bar again and walking it around, but he just wouldn't move." But because of her in ring intelligence, the boy was not able to block her next move. "This is when I noticed the opportunity for a half and I went for it. I sunk it in and I teed off. The kid was fighting it off but I just kept trying to hold him there." It was now a battle. Christen feels they both knew she was going to win the match, but the new battle was would she stick him for the pin. She admits, she was worried she wouldn't pin him. But that's when her coach's words proved magical again. "I heard my coach tell me to post on his arm. I remembered duh that would help, so I quickly grabbed his arm and posted it out."

He was done and Christen knew it, and relished the moment. "That's when I knew I had it. He couldn't fight it as easily without that arm and I knew I was getting that pin. I was waiting for the ref to blow that whistle knowing I had done it and that made me extremely happy!"

Christen walked to the center of the ring and couldn't have been more proud. This was her third win of the season, which was a personal record for her. But it was more than that. " This was one of the only matches where I felt I was really in control since I only let him get 1 point." She was also thrilled about making her coaches proud. "Nothing makes my happier than accomplishing what my coach asked me to in a match."

The boy and his coaches showed a lot of class in defeat. " I shook the kids hand and the ref raised my hand. I went over and shook the Dansville coaches' hands. They told me great job and smiled. While coming back across the mat to my team the kid I wrestled told me good job even though he seemed down.

Her victory was inspiring to her team. "My coaches and team congratulated me and our 285 even told me that my match got him fired up."

It turns out, the victory was the best present she could have asked for, and she gave it to herself. " Just winning that one match put me in a better mood for the rest of the day. I don't win many matches so when I do it really is one of the best feelings ever."

And while Christen knows she won't win gold in the 2020 Olympics, the real medal is the support and confidence she gets from participating in the toughest sport in the world. "This is not just from all the good jobs I get from people but because I feel I have accomplished something great for myself. It makes me feel better that I do stick with the sport and give it my all, because the few moments of winning and the time I spend with my team is all worth it in the end no matter how many loses I get."